How I became addicted to Neil Lambert.

Way back in 2001, I vowed never to watch American Idol ever again when Justin Guarini lost to Kelly Clarkson because Justin is distantly related to me, and I hated Kelly for beating a family member. For the next 6 seasons of American Idol, I managed not to watch the show. I recall catching glimpses of a few episodes with my mother, then running into my room crying at how bad the contestants were. It wasn’t until after Season 8 ended that I began to regain interest in the show.

I had heard about this HUGE upset that happened on American Idol, and of course, because there was controversy, I HAD to find out what it was. So, I looked up the winner and thought ‘Wow, ok. He’s a typical winner.’ I then proceeded to find a picture of the person who was expected to win…

“HOLY FUCK HE’S HOT.”

I literally almost drooled. Adam was gorgeous. My only question at that point was “Why did he lose? Was Kris Allen a better musician?” I then looked up the KISS performance.

“OH MY CHRIST. I JUST GIZZED MYSELF.”

I had just found the man of my dreams. I had a new obsession, and it’s name was Adam Lambert.

Soon enough, the talk about his sexuality began. I decided to ignore it. After about a day, I started to question his sexuality as well. Most people questioned the Guy Liner and the Nail Polish. I was questioning the voice. His speaking voice just seemed slightly more effeminent then most men’s voices. I think that’s actually partly what attracted me to him, and because of that, his sexuality really didn’t matter that much to me.

I was doing some research on Adam to get to know him a little better when I cam across a blog called “Negative Neil.” I thought maybe this was Adam writing a blog under an alias. Then, I saw a blog about Adam. I thought to myself, I really don’t think Adam would talk about himself in third person…wait a minute…This is someone else writing about Adam! But who…

So I did a little more research and discovered that Adam had a younger brother, Neil. I read some of the blog that Neil had written and was quickly doubled over from laughter. This guy is hilarious! His intellectually-infused humor instantly reminded me of the humor of the late great George Carlin. Neil was amazing. I had been wondering what Neil might possibly look like, and I finally decided to check youtube to see if there were any videos. The first and only video I found was Neil’s 20/20 interview. The first thing you hear when playing the video is Neil’s laugh. I smiled uncontrollably as I listened to Neil talk about his brother’s sexuality. I stopped listening to his actual words and just listened to his voice. I was drawn in immediately. His voice had a quality to it that was just so seductive to me. I couldn’t understand why, but I liked it. No…I LOVED it.

And there you have it, folks. The story of how my latest obsession became my latest obsession. Thanks a lot, American Idol. Thanks.