Unfortunately, due to pain in the ass people whose only goal in life is the fuck up other people’s computers, my laptop has fallen victim to a very dangerous computer virus. What does this mean? Well, it means I’m fucking pissed. What else does it mean? It means I won’t be able to post shit on my blog here until I either get a new computer or I get a really good tech person to fix it. I apologize. I will, however, be in California in two weeks, so maybe I’ll find a way to post out there.

To all of you fuckers who create viruses:

I pity you and your pathetic, meaningless, USELESS lives.

Fuck you.

Lee DeWyze: “The Boxer” by Simon and Garfunkle
I haven’t seen eyes that full of emotion in a long time. As much as I love Lee, the song choice was lazy. It was just easy. There was NOTHING difficult about that song. I LOVE Lee and I think it’s coming down to Lee and Crystal, but I just don’t know about that song.

Tim Urban: “Better Days” by Goo Goo Dolls
Tim sounded like an amateur singer who doesn’t know how to control his voice. The notes were too high, the song was waaaaaaaay out of his reach, and his vocals were pitchy.

Aaron Kelly: “I Believe I Can Fly” by R. Kelly
This was actually beautiful. I have to say, he fell apart at the end a little, but this was Aaron’s best performance to date in my opinion. I felt the emotion in it.

Siobhan Magnus: “When You Believe” Whitney Houston
Kill me. Make me deaf. Please. I didn’t believe ANY emotion she tried to put into this performance. She was smiling WAAAAAAAAAAY too much. She was SO FUCKING PITCHY. IT WAS AWEFUL. IT MADE ME WANT TO KILL MYSELF.

Michael Lynch: “Hero” by Josey Scott and chad kroeger
I actually really liked this rendition. Not better than the original, but I liked it. Oh, and second name under the writing credits of the song (initials c.k.) isn’t capitalized because I absolutely HATE Nickelback.

Crystal Bowersox: “People Get Ready”
Mamasox, you killed it tonight. You moved me to tears, which is near impossible. You are truly an influential performer, and I really hope you win this thing.

Buzz and Ashly (Waltz): I’m sorry, but Buzz just can’t get steps right. As amazing of a man as he is, he really can’t dance, and it’s a shame. 5-4-4 (13/30)

Jake and Chelsie (Quickstep): I like how it was an Egyptian theme, and I like how Jake kind of “went under her spell” and danced with her the way he did. It was a great story. 7-7-7 (21/30)

Niecy and Louis (Waltz): Niecy was acting very innocent and shy, and that’s a different look for her. She’s not the best dancer, but she was acting very well. Louis Van Amstel is gorgeous and talented and sweet. That’s all I have time to say about him. 7-7-7 (21/30)

Chad and Cheryl (Paso Doble): Cheryl is an amazing choreographer, and she created a wonderful Paso Doble. Chad wasn’t bad, but the fact that he was in man-heels was just wrong. I think it really hurt his performance because I believe it gave him trouble while he was trying to move around. 7-6-7 (20/30)

Pamela and Damien (Paso Doble): Oh, Damien…why must you taunt me so with that gorgeous chest of yours? Pamela has potential, but she needs to learn how to dance and act at the same time. 7-7-7 (21/30)

Edyta and Aiden (Quickstep): Aiden needs to LOOSEN UP. ABC- STOP GIVING POOR EDYTA SHIT PARTNERS. SHE DESERVES MORE THAN THAT. SHE’S AN INCREDIBLE CHOREOGRAPHER. 7-6-7 (20/30)

Erin and Maks (Waltz): First of all, I’d just like to preface this entry with the fact that I FUCKING LOVE MAKS. I want his little Russian babies. Erin dancing blindfolded? Maks, what a risk!!! Erin danced beautifully with a blindfold. Amazing story, and I can’t believe Len was such an ass. 8-7-8 (23/30)

Kate and Tony (Paso Doble): As much as I love Tony, I absolutely HATE Kate Gosslin. Love Tony, Love the song “Paparazzi,” HATE Kate. Kate has NO idea what the fuck she’s doing and can’t dance. She’s worse than all of the former shit contestants combined. The band did an amazing job performing the song, however! 5-5-5 (15/30)

Nicole and Derek (Quickstep): HAHA! I love the fact that Nicole’s ass completely knocked Derek off his feet…literally. Derek is one of the most intricate and fearless choreographers on this show. Cute outfits and perfect song. I love “Anything Goes” mainly because it was my senior year musical in high school and I was in the pit orchestra. Nicole did beautifully and definitely told the story well. As much as I’m really not a fan of PCD, I did like this dance. I really like the moves when they were running away from their “superiors” and trying to get back to work. That was cute. 8-6-9 (23/30) WOW! Really??? That score was off if you ask me.

So who do you think is going home tonight, and what are your opinions on the dances???

These are the latest celebrities and their professional dancers to grace ABC’s Dancing With The Stars, plus their scores from the end of last night. Let’s take a look at each performance, shall we?

Aiden Turner and Edyta Sliwinska: Cha Cha
Boy, does poor Edyta have her work cut out for her this season! Aiden was more stiff than a board. I can easily compare him to Billy Ray Cyrus. That’s really all I can say about this performance.

Buzz Aldrin and Ashly Costa: Cha Cha
This was a joke, right?

Chad Ochicinco and Cheryl Burke: Cha Cha
The first performance of the night, Chad came out with a great energy and was able to pull off a great routine. The biggest problem I saw with his performance was his lack of looseness. He was just a little too stiff.

Evan Lysacek and Anna Trebunskaya: Vienese Waltz
There were parts of this performance that were absolutely beautiful and graceful. Then, there were absolutely aweful moments were his skating posture would creep back into the dance and he’d mess up the footwork and throw himself off balance. Evan has some work to do, but he’s obviously a contender.

Erin Andrews and Maksim Chmerkovskiy: Cha Cha
Erin had a little more trouble than the first two performers, which was actually very obvious. She danced to a shit song, which wasn’t her fault. I guess the producers were getting down to the wire on popular cha cha sounding songs they could use. Maks creates very difficult and intricate choreography, even in the first performance, but Erin kept up with him (barely) and I think there is a potential here.

Jake Pavelka and Chelsie Hightower: Vienese Waltz
Right off the bat, the rose was lame, and the song was cheesy (Kiss From A Rose). As much as I love Chelsie’s choreography, I really didn’t see too much effort on Jake’s part. He also needs to learn how to be graceful.

Kate Gosselin and Tony Dovolani: Vienese Waltz
Her kids were right: MOMMY CAN’T DANCE.

Nicole Scherzinger and Derek Hough: Vienese Waltz
This was an incredibly beautiful performance. I don’t really like Nicole, but she did very well, and I really wish her well. She is one to beat. Then again, her background in dance (PCD) is a bit of an unfair advantage.

Niecy Nash and Louis Van Amstel: Cha Cha
Louis gave her a freebie choreographed dance tonight. He made it so simple for her, and yet she still couldn’t get it. She was having a LOT of trouble with this dance, and this was easy, so imagine what she’ll be like in further weeks as the intricacy of the performances increases. I think the cause of this bad performance can be linked to the fact that she doesn’t want to lose her “Jiggly Parts.” It was, as Len says, uneventful.

Pamela Anderson and Damian Whitewood: Cha Cha
The “Break Out” performance of the night…ish. Pam didn’t do too badly if you were just watching the performance. However, if you got past all of the hair flipping and whatnot, she wasn’t too great. Damian did well for a newbie to the show, and I think he’ll do well in seasons to come. I just hope he gets better partners in the future.

Shannen Dougherty and Mark Ballas: Vienese Waltz
Shannen said she was in it for her father. It was pretty obvious during her dance that she was nervous as hell, but I have to say she did pretty well. I’m not really a fan of hers, but I am going to be fair and try not to be biased. I do see potential in Shannen.

My only inquiry: Why the HELL was Brook Burke there? What happened to Samantha Harris???

11. Didi Benami
10. Lee Dewyze
9. Paige Miles
8. Casey James
7. Michael Lynche
6. Katie Stevens
5. Andrew Garcia
4. Siobhan Magnus
3. Tim Urban
2. Aaron Kelly
1. Crystal Bowersox

Lacey Brown went home last night in the Elimination round of American Idol.

I feel that this was the wrong decision. I also feel that the bottom 3 was wrong. I don’t feel that Tim Urban deserved to be in the bottom 3. I believe the bottom three should have been Paige Miles, Lacey Brown, and Katie Stevens. I think Katie should have gone home. She is too inexperienced and doesn’t even have the slightest clue about who she wants to be as an artist. The only reason she has as many fans as she does is because she has a sweet face and an adorable personality. That’s it.

Siobhan Magnus- “House Of The Rising Sun” by Animals
Siobhan sang beautifully. This was a great song choice for this girl. Her style and her voice gave this song a twist that just kind of worked…in a way I can’t describe. All in all, this was a great performance, and I expect to see Siobhan in the top 12.

Lacey Brown- “The Story” by –insert artist name here-
Sitting on the side of the Idol stage, Lacey showed incredible emotion as she sang a very soft rendition of this song. She was pitchy in a lot of places, but I believe she most definitely gave her best performance so far.

Katelyn Epperly- “I Feel The Earth Move” by Carole King
Katelyn is a very charismatic young lady with a lot of heart, but her rendition of this song was absolutely terrible. She was very pitchy and it was a very simple choice, which really brought the impressive-ness down. This performance may hurt her chances of being in the top 12.

Didi Benami- “Rhiannon” by –insert artist name here-
Looking like Taylor Swift and sounding like Natasha Beddingfield, Didi gave a performance to remember. Though her face and her voice are not too original, her performace was beyond moving. Look for her in the top 12 next week.

Paige Miles- “Smile” by Charlie Chaplin
I was taught that if I had nothing nice to say, to say nothing at all. So…

Crystal Bowersox- “Give Me One Reason” by Tracy Chapman
This entry will never end if I begin to write about this performer. If Crystal freaking Bowersox does not win this season of American Idol, I will boycott this show.

Lilly Scott- “I Fall To Pieces” by Patsy Kline
A sweet-faced girl, Lilly tried to play the mandolin so she could cover up the fact that she couldn’t really sing this song, but unfortunately for her, she failed. Because I’ve already used way too many commas, I’m ending this entry.

I don’t really see what’s so great about it. In fact, I think the show is extremely stupid; it’s demeaning to Italian-Americans, and really all Americans. I’ve seen a couple interviews with the entire cast, and all I can say is Snooki, AKA Nicole Polizzi, is a self-important, supercilious bitch. How can someone think as highly of themselves as she does?

I want to write more, but I really don’t think this “show” is worth my time.