The First Episode of the Final Season of LOST…and I’m still completely LOST.

So, when I heard the final (and this time they actually do mean FINAL) season of LOST was to premiere last night, I was SO excited because I figured in the last season, they’d finally explain everything they haven’t explained in every single season since the start. I was hoping for something to be explained in the first episode. Silly me for thinking that the writers of LOST have actually finished the scripts for the final season.

In the first two hour episode of the series finale of LOST, I found out that the smoke monster was actually John Locke (Oh, wait, it wasn’t. John Locke is now NOT John Locke. He’s some reincarnate thing. Yeah, that clears up a lot.), Jack and the crew are no longer in the 1970s (Now they’re in whatever time frame they’ve been in for the past 6 years), and I am slowly being shown what would have happened if the plane hadn’t crashed.

Well, THAT was an eye-opening and insightful episode. Mhm. I learned so much about this show…that I could now teach a first grader what an atomice bomb REALLY does. It sends you reeling through time!

So thank you, J. J. Abrams, Jeffrey Leiber, and Damon Lindelof, for clearing up absolutely nothing on your hit tv show. At least you named the show something that pertains to the plot.

You are such a little poser.

What’s with all of the Adam Lambert wannabes on Idol this season? Is it just me, or are they becoming more and more abundant as the weeks go on?

Let me explain something to all of you Adam wannabes:

TRYING TO LOOK AND SING LIKE SOMEONE ELSE WILL NOT GET YOU THROUGH TO HOLLYWOOD, YOU FUCKING RETARDS.

The AIM of Idol is to come in with something new; something fresh. Something the judges wouldn’t expect to see. Be your damn self!!! I’m sure you won’t embarrass yourself half as much as you would by trying to be Adam Lambert (WHO YOU ARE NOT).

So take a big tip from me, all you future Adam Lambert wannabes. Don’t be a wannabe. Be you. That’s all you need to be. Nothing more, nothing less.

Love,

Your Princess of Opinionated Melodrama

My Dearest Readers

My dearest readers,

As you may or may not have noticed, a good third of my blog is missing. Why is this, you ask? Because someone close to me read my blog, mentioned it to my grandmother, said some if it was disturbing, and my grandmother told my mother. I woke up after a 5 hour nap today to my mother freaking the fuck out at me. So, I made some of my entries private. I’ll re-publicize them at a later date, but for now, they must remain private incase my mother decides to look up this blog and read it.

General Larry Platt

Talk about unique. Talk about talent. Talk about entertaining. This man may be 62 years old, but his spirit is as active as a 15 year old’s. I couldn’t tell you much about this man, but I can tell you that I don’t want him to go away anytime soon, because anyone who can write a song like this deserves the fame I pray this man gets. Take it away, General.

The Bachelor: Flying On The Wings Of INSANITY!

I never, ever, EVER watch the show “The Bachelor,” but my mom wanted to watch it tonight and I had nothing else to do, so I decided to sit through it. I was ignoring it for the most part until we got to a girl named Michelle.

Michelle is quite possibly the most crazy, mixed up chick I’ve seen on a reality game show. No one could talk to this girl without her taking offense and calling them out. Any little criticism and Michelle would throw a shit fit. What’s wrong with this picture? What bothered me most was how she kept re-iterating the fact that she was there to fall in love and get married. You said it once. We heard you. And yet you say it again, about 30 more times before Jake finally wised up and kicked you out. Which was a great moment in television, by the way, people:

Michelle: Do you mind if I kiss you just so I can see if I feel anything?

*He kisses her*

Michelle: Oh, come on. You’ve gotta give me more than that!

And Jake was completely turned off.

The next mind-blower was Vienna. As much as she comes across as a nice, sweet, innocent girl when she’s doing the asides, she was a total bitch that was out for herself and no one else. During Elizabeth’s one-on-one with Jake, Vienna walked in and basically kicked her out just because she wanted some alone-time with Jake. Which brings me to my next victim.

Elizabeth. Now here is a girl who seems intelligent enough to maybe get a rise out of this guy. My question to Elizabeth would be WHAT THE FUCK WERE YOU THINKING NOT KISSING THIS GUY?!?!? Isn’t that a part of what you’re there for??? You, honey, are an idiot, and I’m glad to have watched you go home. You don’t deserve Jake.

So my moral here, dear readers, is this:

If you are THAT desperate that you feel you must go on a television reality series in order to make something exciting happen in your life, then you are a certified imbosile. If you are that desperate to find some entertainment in your life, try going to Disney World. I think you’ll like it there. It’s much less dangerous, plus they have a padded room in case you get a little out of hand.

Golden Globe Winners: Deserving, or not?

***NOTICE***I started at the end because I had initially started at the beginning, but my computer farted and I lost my internet window and had to start again. The only problem was we were about 6 awards into the show when I got a new window up, so I decided just to copy and paste the winners from the Internet Movie Database. That’s why I went backwards.

AND SO ENDS THE GOLDEN GLOBES.

Best Motion Picture Drama
Winner: Avatar

I felt this was a good fit. I had it down to Inglorious Bastards and Avatar, but I knew Avatar was bigger. In every way. A great over-all film, Avatar get what it deserved. Even though I didn’t like it very much, I repected it. I still do. I honestly think this was the movie that most deserved this award.

Best Actor in a Motion Picture Drama
Winner: Jeff Bridges

I didn’t even see him in this movie, so I can’t judge this. I will tell you I’m not a big fan of this guy.

Best Actor in a Motion Picture Comedy or Musical
Winner: Robert Downey, Jr.

I don’t normally like this guy, but he did a pretty smashing job. I felt this was deserved.

Best Actress in a Motion Picture Drama
Winner: Sandra Bullock

Yes, this was deserved, because Sandra played the character of a real person with such grace. She was amazing, and this award went to the right person.

Best Motion Picture Comedy or Musical
Winner: The Hangover

TOTALLY Deserved this. I’m sorry, but this movie was fucking hilarious.

Best TV Series Comedy or Musical
Winner: Glee

This is another show I don’t really like, just like AVATAR (I know, one’s a movie and the other is a TV show), so I’m going to say I don’t think this was a just win.

Best Director of a Motion Picture
Winner: James Cameron

As much as I didn’t like the movie AVATAR, I do think it did deserve this award. James Cameron did make a fantastic movie, I just happened not to like it.

Winner of the Cecil B. Demile Award: Martin Scorsese

This is a no brainer. Did he deserve this award? DUH!!! It’s fucking Martin Scorsese!! DEFINITELY.

Best Supporting Actor in a Motion Picture
Winner: Christoph Waltz

Ok. As much as I LOVE LOVE LOVE Tarantino, I was not big on this movie. I honestly think INGLORIOUS BASTARDS is only getting all these awards because Quentin Tarantino directed it.

Best Supporting Actress in a TV Series, Mini-Series, or TV Movie
Winner: Chloi Sevigny

She does not deserve this for the simple fact that she got mad at the guy for ripping her dress. It was an accident. Get the fuck over it.

Best TV Series Drama
Winner: Mad Men

I am NOT a fan of this show. I think HOUSE should have won.

Best Foreign Language Film
Winner: The White Ribbon (Germany)

If I spoke German, I’d be so proud right now…

Best Performance by an Actor in a Television Series – Musical or Comedy
Winner: Alec Baldwin for “30 Rock” (2006)

I absolutely HATE Alec Baldwin, so of course I’m going to say this was an undeserved award.

Best Screen Play Motion Picture
Winner: Jason Reitman, Sheldon Turner

I have not seen this movie, therefore I have no input.

Best Actress In A Mini Series or TV Movie
Winner: Drew Barrymore

Drew Barrymore confused the hell out of me in the film “Grey Gardens.” This is exactly why I’m glad she won. She portrayed her part perfectly.

Best Actor In A Mini Series or TV Movie
Winner: Kevin Bacon

This was wrong. I’m sorry, but they got it wrong. This award should have gone to Kenneth Branagh. Kenneth portrayed an incredible role in Wallander and deserves to be recognized for it.

Best Actress in a Motion Picture Comedy or Musical
Winner: Meryl Streep

Meryl Streep deserves any and every award she gets. She is terrific.

Best Mini-Series or TV Movie
Winner: Grey Gardens (HBO)

Do I feel it was a good match? I do. This was a fantastic TV movie about Jacqui Kennedy’s cousin and the strange life she lived. It’s a beautiful movie.

Best Original Score – Motion Picture
Winner: Up (2009) – Michael Giacchino

This was perfect. A perfect award. Given to the perfect recipient.

Best Original Song – Motion Picture
Winner: Crazy Heart (2009) – T-Bone Burnett, Ryan Bingham(“The Weary Kind”)

This was a pretty good choice, I guess.

Best Performance by an Actress in a Television Series – Drama
Winner: Julianna Margulies for “The Good Wife” (2009)

I don’t really know if she was worthy of this award. I can’t say for sure only because I’ve never seen “The Good Wife.”

Best Performance by an Actor in a Television Series – Drama
Winner: Michael C. Hall for “Dexter” (2006)

Anyone who can play a serial killer who kills other serial killers and feel good about it deserves a damn award.

Best Animated Film
Winner: Up (2009)

While many of the nominees in this category were worthy of this award, UP was the perfect choice because it was the only movie nominated for this category that people both young and old can appreciate.

Best Performance by an Actor in a Supporting Role in a Series, Mini-Series or Motion Picture Made for TelevisionWinner: John Lithgow for “Dexter” (2006)

I believe the better choice for this award would have been Michael Emerson.

Best Performance by an Actress in a Television Series – Musical or Comedy
Winner: Toni Collette for “United States of Tara” (2009)

I can’t really comment on this since I don’t watch any of the shows nominated in this category.

Best Performance by an Actress in a Supporting Role in a Motion Picture
Winner: Mo’Nique for Precious: Based on the Novel Push by Sapphire (2009)

I think this award was perfect. Mo’Nique was brilliant. She deserves this award not only because she is an amazing actress but because she was able to play a character who was abusive, abraisive, and all-around evil. My only problem with this win was Mo’Nique’s acceptance speech, which seemed much more like a verbal love note to her husband. That is not appropriate behavior while you’re on stage. Save that shit for when you sit back down.

Adam Lambert- “FOR YOUR ENTERTAINMENT” Album Review PRE-View

Track 2: For Your Entertainment

The title track of the album, this song is everything we’d expect from Adam and more. Sexy, sultry and daring, the melody starts out in the lower register which I happen to like from Adam a little more than his higher octaves (I think maybe I feel this way because I’ve heard Adam sing high many times before, but it’s rare to hear him sing in a lower register). Soon enough, he begins to raise the notes higher, and we hit the prechorus. In the next four lines, Adam makes me feel like I’m being pulled apart like a rubber band. When he hits the line “Hold on until it’s over,” it’s as if the pulling ends and everything freezes. Now we are at the chorus. To break it down simply, Adam is basically singing to us a warning with the lines “Do you know what you got into? Can you handle what I’m ’bout to do, cause it’s about to get rough for you.” Parents of young children ought to pay attention to these lines if they want to know anything about Adam at all. Cut to the bridge. We get to a breakdown of ‘Oh oh’s’ and ‘Mmm Mmm, Entertainment.’ After a few measures, Adam finally comes back in with a wild note of exclaimation. Adam takes us out with the chorus, singing little harmonies over the chorus. The song ends on a single note that leaves the listener begging for more.

The Six Degrees Of Transport

***ALL NAMES, INCLUDING THE NAME OF THE HOSPITAL, HAVE BEEN CHANGED IN ORDER TO KEEP ALL IDENTITIES PROTECTED***

The following is the breakdown of each transporter at the hospital I currently work at…which we’ll call Princeton Plainsborough Teach Hospital (That’s the hospital from the show HOUSE, but whatever).

1) Ray: Comedian at heart, this guy has been working at PPTH for two years. Part time, he comes in at 4 PM and works until 8 PM, transporting patients to and from various appointments and tests with extra care, going as quickly or as slowly as he feels needed in order to keep the patient comfortable. Ray continues to entertain the staff with his mimes and his quick witt. He is charming, entertaining, and his sense of humor lacks any impure thoughts. Ray is a huge asset to our team.

2) Christen: Sweet, (seemingly) innocent, health conscious, and always looking flawless, Christen brings a light quality to her job as she takes her patients all over the hospital. She has a way of lifting the spirits of the people she transports without even saying a word. Her ability to make people smile is one of her best qualities, and I think she is an integral part of our team.

3) Alissa: Sassy, spunky, and open about what she thinks, Alissa keeps her transportees entertained. Able to keep a conversation going as long as she needs to, Alissa not only makes the trip fun for her patients, she makes it fun for herself. Her patients benefit from a therapy they are unaware of, talk therapy. Alissa makes her patients feel good, and that’s a great element of our group of transporters.

4) Mark: Quiet and reserved, Mark comes across as a shy guy, but when I myself am transporting patients, he knows about half of them by name! Mark is very interactive with the people he transports, and it shows when they recognize him in the halls. He is almost always calm, and he is always wonderful to the patients. Mark transports safely and smoothly, and that is a huge compliment to the community of Transport.

5) Jessie: Jessie is the glue that holds the Transporters together. He sits at a desk on a daily basis and takes calls all day. That’s his entire job. Jessie has a lot of patience, and while he does do a couple other things, he can write faster than anyone else I know. He takes down the dictation of when, where, and how we (the transporters) are supposed to go, usually in a time frame of less than thirty seconds. Without Jessie, transport would fall apart.

I have saved the best for last. Sorry, everyone above, but you should know me by now, and while I love all of you, I have created my strongest bond with:

6) Diablo (Like the name change, buddy?): This guy is crazy, but in the most awesome way possible. He has a way of making almost EVERYONE he happens to be around either smile or (in most cases involving myself) laughing histerically. He is fantastic with the patients and he gets them where they need to go without hesitation. His speed is unmatched and his gracefulness when pushing some of the most complicated runs is mind-blowing. Diablo is probably the best transporter PPTH has, and without him, I don’t think we’d be nearly as efficient as we are. Diablo is, in my opinion, our MVP.

Technically, there should be a 7th description, but I’m not going to write a paragraph on myself and try to figure out what I do well as at my job.

These six degrees of Transport are the six reasons why PPTH functions so well when it comes to getting patients to the places they need to go. With the absence of any of these six people, Transport would not run as well as it does. These people are fantastic, and I feel privelidged to be able to work with such fine people.

Super Immaturity

I never watch Supernanny, but tonight I caught a glimpse of the show, and DAMN did I catch an episode for the ages…

The EPITOME of immaturity.

A 25 year old single mother living with her parents and her two sons. Her parents raise the kids while she does jack shit. The mother, Kristin Hallenbeck, has an attitude like a 13 year old. A complete and total spoiled bitch. This girl is not even worthy of the word ‘brat.’ She is a piece of shit waste of space human being. She has absolutely NO desire to be a mother to these kids.

Jo took this girl to a homeless shelter to show Krisitin just how much she had and how little many other people have and that she should be grateful for everything she’s been given in life. Kristin said, and I quote, “I didn’t see the point in Jo having me sit there and listen to this lady talk about the homeless shelter.” Then we cut back to Kristin and Jo sitting in the room with the homeless shelter representative, and Kristin starts looking around the room. All of a sudden, Kristin starts texting in the middle of the representative’s speech.

**RED FLAG**

Are you seriously THAT childish that you can’t pay attention to someone when they’re talking to you? The representative was trying desperately to keep your attention, but you could have cared less. Who the fuck died and made you president of manners? Grow the fuck up.

**BACK TO THE REST OF THE BLOG ENTRY**

Next, Jo takes this girl aside and tells Kristin, quote, “These people in there are richer than you are on the inside.” Kristin’s reply? “That’s fine.”

Kristin: “Did you record over my thing? You did! Fucking Clifford.”

This is what Jo comes back to after leaving for a few days. According to Jo, NO progress was made:

Son Number 1: “Mommy Doesn’t Care.”

Kristin’s mother: “Kristin cares about Kristin first.”

Kristin’s dad: “I think she loves her kids, but I think she puts herself first.”

Kristin tells Jo she’s decided to move out to her boyfriend’s place in Colorado with her kids. Her mother seems devastated.

We cut to commercial right before which we find out that Jo is going to make one final attempt to heal the wounds between Kristin and her mother. All I can say about this is GOOD LUCK, JO.

While I’m waiting for the commercials to end, I’ll explain to you why I’ve decided to write this entry. It’s girls like Kristin Hallenbeck that make me feel embarrassed by my gender. Kristin is a prime example of someone who was spoiled all her life and thinks the world revolves around her. I hate these selfish assholes, and to be comepletely honest (and a little twisted, I know, but still…this is truly how much I hate these people) I wish that I could teleport through the television screen and beat the fucking shit out of this bitch and make her see just how careless she is. Back to the show.

Jo is about to try to get Kristin and her mother to connect better.

Kristin says “I’m not a perfect mother, I’m not a perfect person, but I have been trying.” My response (and what I yelled at the TV) “NO YOU HAVEN’T.”

Kristin’s first thoughtful thing was moving out so that her mother can (quote) “Just be the Grandmom.”

I can only hope that this girl’s boyfriend is 20 times more responsible of a parent than Kristin is.

What a rant. I’m so imbisilic. Why do you actually read my crap?

My Simple Solutions To Most “Thriller” Movie Complications

I’ve come to realize the reason why most of the “Thriller” genre doesn’t frighten me anymore: It’s completely unrealistic. I don’t care if most of you know this already, but I don’t care.

Some of the reasons why these movies aren’t realistic are as follows:

- The characters never check the back seats of cars.
- They never turn on the lights in darkened areas.
- They always ENTER the darkened areas.
- They always split up and go places on their own.
- They never run to places where there are lots of people.
- They always try to hide.

Here are my simple solutions for the preceeding problems:

-ALWAYS CHECK THE BACK FUCKING SEAT OF THE CAR, YOU DUMB ASS. What’s it’s going to hurt? It only takes about two seconds.

-TURN ON A FUCKING LIGHT. It’ll help you see better in case you want to, I don’t know, protect yourself?

-DON’T ENTER A DARK FUCKING ROOM ALL BY YOURSELF, SHIT-FOR-BRAINS. How the fuck do you expect to see an intruder in the fucking dark?

-DON’T GO ANYWHERE ON YOUR OWN. What, are you trying to die?

-RUN TO A CROWDED AREA WHERE THERE ARE LOTS OF PEOPLE WHO CAN HELP YOU. Honestly? Are you really stupid enough to think you can get away from danger all by yourself?

-DON’T EVER STOP RUNNING. EVENTUALLY YOU’LL REACH SOMEONE WHO WILL HELP YOU. Hiding? Fucking really? Even a half-ass killer is going to look behind every corner, so if you’re hiding, I hope you have a preferred method of dying.

Oh, and a note to all those writers and directors: MAYBE IF YOU MADE YOUR MOVIES A LITTLE MORE BELIEVABLE PEOPLE WOULD ACTUALLY GET A THRILL FROM THEM INSTEAD OF GETTING NAUSEUS FROM ALL THE GORE YOU PUT IN THEM. YOU’RE DESTROYING THE THE GENRE OF THRILLER AND MAKING IT THE GENRE OF BLOOD AND GUTS.

That’s not “Thriller.”

So, in conlcusion, “Thriller” is no longer all that ‘thrilling.’

Feel free to leave a comment if you agree or disagree OR if you have anything to add to this list, Jerkoffs.

~Your loving Princess of Unimportance.